Our Feature Presentation (6/50) -- Saludos Amigos (1942)

Disney films, like the members of Destiny’s Child, are not created equal. History has lauded films like The Little Mermaid, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, and Beauty and the Beast as timeless classics, and they will continue to have their praises sung for the better part of forever. Others, not so much. Just as some films are preordained to eternally live in the annuls of history, there are just as many that are recalled, er, not so fondly (or at least fitfully so; chances are, you will find more people extolling the virtues of Aladdin than, say, Oliver & Company).

Today’s entry occupies a third, and entirely smaller, category: Disney films that are forgotten about completely. It’s not that they’re bad or anything, more like they’re just unremarkable enough to elicit neither a positive or negative reaction. In other words, they’re just kinda there.

Saludos Amigos is the first in the line of Disney “package films,” films that were produced during the 1940’s in an effort to keep Walt Disney Studios’ head above water. Much of the studios’ time was spent making propaganda cartoons for the U.S. government, and the lack of resources and staff (many in the animation department had been drafted) made the production of lavishly animated films like Bambi or Pinocchio nigh unto impossible. Walt, however, did the next best thing he could: he took pre-existing shorts and ideas that were too slight to make into full films and stapled them together into movies. From this we get titles like Fun and Fancy Free, Make Mine Music, and, yes, Saludos Amigos.

Ta-da! Keeping the Nazis at bay while making a bit of money on the side.

Not so much a film as it is a travelogue, Saludos Amigos is a tour of South America (with the Nazis attempting to establish good relations on this side of the Atlantic, Roosevelt had Disney visit as part of the Good Neighbor policy; the policy was considered a success, as the Axis was never able to establish a port in either Central or South America). The movie follows Walt and a team of animators as they visit different towns, eat exotic foods and listen to exotic music, and make sketches of the locals (in live action, I might add). The movie then segues into one of four different animated shorts, then the animators move on to another region of South America, and the cycle continues.

You may be thinking now how dull this film sounds. In a way, you’re right. Saludos Amigos contains no plot, no conflict, no narrative at all, save for the concept that Walt and the gang are on a tour of South America. As such, it doesn’t make for a riveting night at the movies. However, there’s something about this movie that is slightly appealing to me, and I’ll try to touch on why exactly this is, because, quite frankly, I don’t really understand it myself.

Perhaps I was raised on too many early-Disney Channel programs on travel in the Disney shorts, but I mildly enjoyed this one.

I’ll start with the shorts. As I mentioned earlier, Saludos Amigos is a vehicle for Disney animated shorts, and we get some good ones here. The first is a Donald Duck short on Lake Titicaca, with Donald sailing on the lake, riding a llama across a suspension bridge, and visiting the (hilariously non-PC-but-it’s-the-forties-so-everybody’s-racially-insensitive-drawn) locals. It’s a typical Donald Duck cartoon, and since I rather like the character, I had a good time.

The next is about a family of mail planes (Walt visits a podunk town in the mountains, where mail has to be delivered through a treacherous mountain pass), and centers on the smallest plane, Pedro, making his first major delivery. The journey is a perilous one, with Pedro fighting through weather, poor visibility, and some big fricking demon mountain (whose name I can neither recall, nor pronounce) who makes life hard for him. It’s surprisingly harrowing, and there are a few bits near the end where it legitimately seems like Pedro will not make his journey home in one piece; even at a time when Walt is releasing table scraps instead of movies, his timing and sense of direction in an eight-minute short like this is admirable.

This little guy reminds me of the main character from the Tex Avery cartoon "Little Johnny Jet." But squishier.

The third short is on the South American gaucho, as portrayed by Goofy in a cartoon that is “How To…” in all but name. As with most “How To” shorts, this one has Goofy attempting to follow along with the narrator’s descriptions of the way a gaucho lives (roping a horse, eating by a campfire, bola-ing an ostrich, etc). Like Donald’s cartoon, I enjoyed this one almost out of principle (my love for this series is so great that I convinced my dad to buy tickets to National Treasure: Book of Secrets specifically to watch the “How To Hook Up Your Home Theater” short at the beginning; afterwards, we theater-hopped into Juno, which was the movie we actually went to see).

Last is a short called “Aquarela do Brasil,” which has parrot Jose Carioca (the green parrot with the cigar) showing Donald Duck around Brazil. The whole thing is set to a samba, and was, for my money, a bit boring—nothing comic or interesting happens, apart from… no, it’s basically devoid of the things I usually like in a Donald Duck cartoon. The beginning of the short is pretty interesting from an animation perspective, though; it starts with an off-screen artist painting the backgrounds “Duck Amuck”-style, and there are some pretty cool moments where the paint drips into other drawings and creates new drawings. Of the other three, though, this is the one I liked the least.

After the interesting and colorful opener, your enjoyment of this short will rest solely on your predilection for samba and rapid-fire Portuguese.

Between these shorts are live-action shots of Walt and El Grupo visiting different towns, trying out different cultural practices (dances, food,etc), and drawing things. The shots are bright, vibrant, and look pretty good, with lots of greens and browns. The sketches the artists make also act as lead-ins for the shorts (we see early drawings of the villagers, and in the case of Pedro the plane, the narrator explicitly talks out the thought process of how the character was invented), making for a nice contrast between the concept and the finished product.

As far as films that are educational go, I rather appreciate this movie’s approach to presenting South America. You see, Saludos Amigos was created before the notion of pandering to kid demographics had entered studio heads (this probably also wasn’t a “kid’s film” when it came out either), so it doesn’t try to talk down to the audience to encourage understanding. I know that “it’s presented like seventh grade Social Studies” is a bit of a weird complement, but the movie doesn’t have a jaunty, “learning is fun!” sort of attitude, and I like the Saludos better for it. Besides, the cartoons demonstrate literally everything that was talked about during the live-action parts, so there’s really no harm in spacing out between the cartoons, if that’s your thing.

There are a few moments where we watch an animator sketch an object or person, which is pretty sweet.

This won’t be a film that I dig out when I need cheering-up, but I still thought it was good, in a modest sort of way. Granted, the straight-forward, slightly dry approach to the material will definitely be off-putting to some, but as something pedestrian and undemanding (which is the best way to enjoy this film), it works—the movie is what it is, and there are some interesting tidbits about 1940’s American perceptions of South America sprinkled in between the cartoons.

Top Three Songs:

1. “Saludos Amigos”
2. "Tico Tico No Fubá"
3. "Aquarela do Brasil"

Favorite Character:

• Donald Duck (does he count? Who cares?)
  

Favorite scene:

• The “Lake Titicaca” short

The Jar Jar:

• Jose Carioca (this character has literally zero appeal to me, other than that he is a fine shade of green)

How I Watched It:

I was in Helena this weekend, and during some downtime, I watched this on my friend Jordyn of Popped Density’s VHS copy. Yes, that’s right, VHS. There is a DVD copy floating around on Amazon (packaged with its follow-up, The Three Caballeros), but I watched the VHS version, so I’m going to talk about the VHS version, doggonnit!

The film begins, as all tapes do, with previews (seriously, they’re part of the tape-watching experience)! The ads are for Disney Gold Collection (the edition that this particular copy of Saludos was released on), The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea, The Tigger Movie, Discover Spot, and Disney.com (“Where magic lives online!”). Nothing super epic like the entire “Colors of the Wind” sequence from The Lion King’s VHS, but at least they’re not for anything super dated like “Lizzie MacGuire” or “Even Stevens” (though the Disney.com one is pretty hilarious). There’s also the presence of a certain catchphrase you may have heard of.

This was viewed on some Sony 25” (model number withheld because it’s not really worth it), and the colors, picture quality, and viewing experience in general are about as serviceable as watching a tape on an SDTV can be. Here’s one thing that home theater-philes and Best Buy employees would rather you forget: VHS look exceptionally similar (and in some cases, damn near identical) to DVDs when viewed on a regular TV. Of course, in this day and age of Sony Bravia and Xbox 360, it’s easy to get caught up in the gadgets and forget the virtues of tapes (heck, I made a big to-do about Bolt on Blu-ray a few posts ago, remember?), but they don’t quite deserve all of the demonization they’ve gotten from gadget snobs.

As with several latter-day VHS releases, Saludos Amigos has a “stay tuned after movie for bonus content” extra: “South of the Border with Disney,” which is a look at Walt’s trip down to South America, and acts as a quasi-behind the scenes documentary. You’ll have to hear about it from someone else, though; I didn’t watch it for this review. However, considering that Walt and El Grupo is finally out on DVD, you’re probably better off Netflix-ing that, rather than watching this featurette.

Better Late than Never -- Testermix – Fall ‘10

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now it's a regular ol' weekend. The weekend is not without merit, though; I'm visiting my Jordyn and Nicole's place in Helena, had an excellent DIY Thanksgiving dinner, and got to see Tangled (spoiler alert: it's good). Now I'm watching Star Wars Episode II: Attack and the Clones, and contemplating writing something. Unfortunately, now's not the best time for insightful posting—the movie is distracting me from cohesive thought, and I'm not sure if my opinions on my new media experiences are fully-formed enough to make for a worthwhile post.

This however, doesn't mean that the bit of text you're looking at now is entirely without merit. Old-school readers will remember my vow to share my occasional mix-CDs with the world, and my lapse in compelling original material gives me a grand opportunity to share the exceptionally belated Fall '10 edition of my Testermix series. True, I originally made this mix around early/mid-October, but it's new to you, right?!

This was created at a time when I was rediscovering 80's rock tunes at a mean rate, due in part to the classic rock station that we listen to here in Helena (it's the most consistent of the radio stations around here). We also hit up some old haunts, with some artists making their third appearance in my series (Lady GaGa and Ke$ha have three so far, and Hey Monday come back for another go; Taylor Swift makes an official appearance, in contrast to the inclusion of Thug Story on the Summer Starter mix).

The Tony Hawk's Pro Skater series continues to loan me playlist suggestions (The Suicide Machines and Goldfinger made an appearance on THPS1 for the Playstation), and a few songs from my "Chuck"-watching phase (Huey Lewis & the News and Rush). The novelty songs that were merely side story in previous mixes get a full-on chapter in this entry, with South Park, The Geto Boys, and The Talking Heads all getting their turn. I also didn't know how to end this one, so I thought a little Frank Sinatra would cap things off nicely.

1. Life on Repeat – "Party in the USA"

For a few years now, I have been a fan of wack song covers. That is, I enjoy songs when they are covered by bands that are not necessarily the most appropriate choices (the Punk Goes... series of compilations is a good example of this, though not necessarily with good results). I discovered this song when I was on YouTube looking for some wack cover or other (probably a melodic hardcore version of "Heartless" by Kanye West or something). Life on Repeat is a great juxtaposition of pop punk melodic tendencies and hardcore instrumentations (think Four Year Strong, but simultaneously softer and harder), and "Party in the USA" brings back pleasant memories from my last year of college..

2. Antoine Dodson – "Bed Intruder Song"

What can be said about this song that hasn't already? This odd but deliriously catchy entry in the Autotune The News canon was first brought to my attention by someone who I follow on Twitter, and I listened to it 7 or 8 times the first day I heard it. RiDICulous.

3. Lady GaGa and Beyonce – "Telephone"

This song is actually a quasi-leftover from my Summer '10 mix; I wasn't sure which Lady GaGa song to put on the mix, and ended up coin-flipping it ("Alejandro" ended up making that one, which was more reflected of its chart presence anyways). "Telephone" still gets me energized to this day; something about the driving rhythms and stuttered "Me-e-e-e" chorus just grabs my ear and refuses to let go.

4. Hey Monday – "Wondergirl"

My love affair with Hey Monday has been well documented, and this one is my favorite track from their new EP, Beneath It All. As I mentioned in my entry on it, I find the lyrical themes to be really interesting and pertinent with some of my life experiences, and the fact that this sucker is a catchy son-of-a-gun is a great other-reason to like it.

5. Taylor Swift – "Better Than Revenge"

Oh boy. This little number was first introduced to me by my friend Jordyn, whose more-than-passing interest in Taylor Swift has also been well-documented. She was pumped about the pre-release of her new album, Speak Now, and sneaking listens of some songs that had been leaked to YouTube. I'm not sure if she was playing them at random or what the deal was, but she ended up playing this county-by-way-of-pop-punk gem. And what happened then? Well, in Helena they say that Jordyn's music e-cock grew three sizes that day, for I was immediately crushing on this song (pretensions to being cool be damned, this is one catchy ditty).

6. .38 Special – "Caught Up In You"

Speaking of wack covers, this song was recently covered by We The Kings on the newest Punk Goes... compilation, Punk Goes Classic Rock. This comp features covers that, while faithful, are rather unimaginative and bland, causing one to ask why they don't listen to the regular one in the first place (in fact, the only worthwhile cover is Pierce The Veil's harder, more-aggressive cover of "Don't Fear The Reaper"). This is exactly what happened with me, and I discovered that I liked the .38 Special version more, if only because it brings back fuzzy memories of my classic rock-loving roommate from my junior year.

7. The Outfield – "Your Love"

This song is also featured on the underwhelming comp from above. My first experience with this classic, though, comes only a scant four years ago. You see, as I keep telling you, I was a child of the 90's, and I listened to 90's music. Or rather, I would have if I actually liked it. But I didn't. Oh no. I had absolutely no affinity for Pearl Jam, Boyz 2 Men, Wreckx-n-Effect, or any of that junk, so I stayed away from dabbling into very much music (seriously). When I came to college, though, I remember being at rehearsal for a play, and the cast singing along to songs clearly well-known by them and clearly un-well-known by me; one of these ended up being "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey and the other was "Your Love." I'm glad I'm more cultured nowadays, if only I don't have to suffer another "you've never heard this before?!" brand of ignorance on that scale.

8. Scorpions – No One Like You

Scorpions have been familiar to me for some time now, though mostly in passing familiarity; Guitar Hero III had "Rock You Like a Hurricane" on it, and SSX: On Tour had "Dynamite." My real exposure to this song came from the classic rock station I mentioned above, during the Greg Kihn Show, which has the best repository of Getting High In A Van songs this side of the Mississippi (Queen. Ba dump tish). Scorpions scratch a musical itch that most hair metal scratches for me--music that is patently ridiculous, but it played with such a straight face that I can't help but appreciate it.

9. Dio – "Holy Diver"

This is the other side of the Ridiculous Metal coin. Scorpions play huge songs that are unabashedly about having sex. Dio (RIP) plays songs about... well, I don't even know; lyrics such as "Ride the tiger / you can see his stripes, but you know he's clean / Oh, don't you see what I mean" are about as indicative to the song's meaning as cloud-shapes are to the decision-making processes of the Carter Administration. But doggonit I love this song. My fire for it reached an all-time high when I rented this terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad, and exceptionally homoerotic movie called The Land of Faraway, which I only rented because the VHS case looked absolutely hilarious and like something out of Brütal Legend. Hence my metal connection: I thought it was going to look like "Holy Diver" sounded. No dice.

10. The Suicide Machines – "New Girl"

This track has a bit of history behind it--not only is it one of my favorite jams from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, it also was a part of one of my first mix CDs. That's right, ten years later, I'm still rocking the suicide machines on my compilations. The last time it graced a mix, it was because I asked my friend Regi to download it from Napster (along with several other songs), and I listened to the CD while playing The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. Still good after all these years.

11. Goldfinger – "Superman"

This one came right after The Suicide Machines on Tony Hawk. It was similarly positioned in my old mix. Not much more to say =/

12. The Geto Boys – "Still"

You may remember this as the song that plays during the movie Office Space while Peter, Michael, and Samir beat up the copying machine. "Still" is so incredibly over-the-top in its violent subject matter that, coupled with the aforementioned machine-beating images, it comes off as more a hilarious novelty that also works as music (The Lonely Island does something similar, though in less ironic).

13. Rush – "Tom Sawyer"

My first taste of this, like so many other classic rock songs, came from Rock Band (an "As made famous by" version, no less). It came back into my life during my recent "Chuck"-watching stint, with its placement in the season two episode "Chuck Versus Tom Sawyer." What can I say, besides "Dana nana nana, naaa nanana nana."

14. Ke$ha – "Stephen"

Out of all the Ke$ha songs that I enjoy, this one is the biggest head-scratcher. It has an off-kilter, sing-song beat, and the lyrics are the stuff that evil girls are made of, but it's nothing terribly special. I think the appeal is this: my middle name is Stephen (with the "ph" and everything), so it's more of the novelty of being name-checked than anything else.

15 The Ready Set – "Love Like Woe"

Two things I enjoy finally come together: pop punk and that JR guy who produced Jason Derulo's "Whatcha Say." The rest is history, or at least less interesting to read about than it would seem.

16. Shakira – "She Wolf"

My main memory of this song was when my friend Jeff threw Regi a margaria-themed birthday party, complete with Latin music. I prefer the English mix, hence it's inclusion on this CD. I like the "Ah-oooo" chorus, and the straight-forward dance beat.

17. Huey Lewis & The News – "Do You Believe In Love"

'Nother "Chuck" song; this one popped up in some episode from season 2, though I can't remember which one at the mo'. I likes me some Huey Lewis, and the falsetto "Do you believe in love" in the chorus is pleasing enough. This one was a pain to sequence, but I think it works fine here.

18. Trey Parker & Matt Stone – "Let's Fighting Love"

Novelty song #3. Can't quite remember what brought it to this one, but I do know that my affect for J-pop makes this song awesome. The lyrics are smatterings of English and out-of-context Japanese one-off phrases (there's a toast and "It's okay" thrown in there somewhere).

19. Michael Jackson – "Smooth Criminal (Telemetry Remix)"

Occasionally I run across some sweet remixes in the wild, such as this gem that I found out about at the Bar IX in Bozeman. I was a fan of the Alien Ant Farm cover back in the 8th grade, and the original holds my interest just fine now a days. Pay attention to the killer synth during the chorus.

20. We Are the In Crowd – "Lights Out"

I first heard about these guys through the Warped Tour 2010 comp. The duet thing is a bit odd, but I like their energy and Tay Jardine's voice (she's a quite a looker, too). This is one of the better ones from their debut Guaranteed to Disagree.

21. Talking Heads – "Once In a Lifetime"

"Chuck" song #3 (also on "Hot Tub Time Machine"). The Talking Heads song that I usually listen to is "Psycho Killer," but this one will do in a pinch. Listen to the sweet melody contrasts during the chorus.

22. Frank Sinatra – "I've Got You Under My Skin"

...because I can.

Stay tuned for other entries, as a few recent single- and album-purchases have given me a few ideas for next time (next drive to Helena, I think).

Enjoy!

Our Feature Presentation (5/49) -- The Great Mouse Detective (1986)

After a bit of a reprieve, we're hopping right back on the Disney wagon with another entry in Our Feature Presentation. Today's film is another of my childhood staples: 1986's The Great Mouse Detective. Unlike The Lion King, this movie hasn’t aged quite as gracefully as it could have, and isn’t as transcendent of age as, say, Up or Beauty and the Beast. That said, The Great Mouse Detective is still pretty good and never tries to be more than what it is (a fun animated movie for audiences who enjoy fun animated movies), and if it doesn’t hit the heights of the best of Disney and Pixar, it’s only because its aspirations were never there in the first place.

This movie is unique in that plays on my affection for Sherlock Holmes and characters inspired by him (I’ve enjoyed the few episodes of “Psyche” that I’ve seen, and the only reason I haven’t dived into “House” yet is because I know that I’d be compelled to watch all six seasons back-to-back, something I simply don’t have time to do). The Great Mouse Detective is a decent movie for any audience, but its appeal greatly increases proportional to your understanding of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s most famous sleuth.

The Great Mouse Detective takes places in England in 1897, when Oscar Wilde was churning out “The Picture of Dorian Grey” and Jack the Ripper was making life difficult for Victorian hookers. The story opens outside of Flaversham’s Toy Shop, where toymaker Mr. Flaversham (voiced by Alan Young in full Uncle Scrooge effect) is presenting his daughter Olivia with a doll for her birthday. All of a sudden, a mysterious figure breaks into the toy shop and kidnaps Mr. Flaversham, leaving Olivia alone and fatherless (presentless too, poor girl).

Child characters are pretty easy to bollocks-up, but Olivia's not so bad.

We then cut to our Watson-type, Dr. David Q. Dawson (voiced by Val Bettin, who you may remember as The Sultan from Aladdin), who hears Olivia crying inside an old boot. Olivia is trying to find Basil of Baker Street, and though he don’t know nothing’ ‘bout findin’ no Basil, Dawson takes her to Baker Street. They find Basil’s living quarters and are met by Mrs. Judson (our Mrs. Hudson-type), who ushers them in and tells them to wait for Basil to return.

Basil (voiced by Barrie Ingham, and undoubtedly named after Holmes-actor Basil Rathbone) eventually turns up, and is initially disinterested in Olivia’s problem until she mentions her father’s kidnapper: a peg-legged bat with a crippled wing. Basil is familiar with this bat, named Fidget, and knows that he is under the payroll of his rival, the evil Professor Ratigan (our Moriarty-type—Basil even describes him as “The Napoleon of crime,” something Holmes referred to Moriarty as).

From there, the movie focuses on Basil’s efforts to track down Ratigan and Fidget (our Jar Jar-type), and stop his fiendish plot. The story follows a nice, well-worn Holmes-esque structure, with several scenes of Basil making deductions based on clues, and an exciting third act.

As far as Holmes-inspired material goes, it's not a bad execution at all.

One thing The Great Mouse Detective has going for is a cast of excellent characters. Basil is a great Holmes-type, hitting most the requisite checkboxes (moody, brilliant, a total douche to Mrs. Hudson), and Dawson follows in the Nigel Bruce mold of bumbling, loyal Watsons that have been around since the 40’s. Ratigan (voiced by Vincent Price in allegedly one of his favorite roles) is a fantastic villain, oozing with personality and absolutely chewing the scenery during every instance he’s onstage. Olivia, in a change from the child hero norm, is not only slightly annoying (though the running gag of no one being able to pronounce her last name gets a bit old). The only weak spot is Fidget, whose slapstick antics and unintelligible speech pattern makes him endearing for all of five seconds, until you realize that he will have almost as much screentime as Ratigan himself.

The animation definitely looks like something from the xerography period of Disney animation, an epoch where, in the name of cutting corners and saving money, drawings were transferred to filmable cels by a Xerox machine instead of by hand. It is definitely one of the prettier xerography films (if you want an example of how cheap this process can look, check out Robin Hood), but still appears a bit rough in places. The exception comes in the climactic sequence inside of Big Ben, with shadows, lighting, and character movement that suggest most of the budget went into this part of the film. There’s also a wee bit of flouncing in some of the more low-key sequences (the sensation that the characters are moving underwater), but these moments are few and far between.

The movie's clock tower ending is an outstanding display of light, shadow, and some seriously sweet camera movements.

For music, The Great Mouse Detective has perfectly serviceable score (by Harry Mancini, of all people), becoming exciting, dramatic, and triumphant where it needs to be, but not leaving much of an impression. There are also a few songs thrown in for good measure, though this movie isn’t quite a musical. Like the score, they’re good enough, but nothing terribly amazing; “The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind” is a decent villain song, “Let Me Be Good to You” is one of the more titillating songs to be found in a children’s movie (and certainly the most Burlesque that I can think of), and “Goodbye So Soon” is… well, it’s incidental music.

The Great Mouse Detective isn’t the greatest entry in the Disney canon, but it’s fairly entertaining, especially for fans of Sherlock Holmes. While by no means an essential addition to anyone’s movie library, it’s a fun way to spend 81 minutes, and sometimes that’s all a movie needs to be.

Top Three Songs:

1. “Let Me be Good to You”
2. “The World’s Greatest Criminal Mind”
3. “Goodbye So Soon”

Favorite Scene:

• The ending with Big Ben

Favorite Character:

• Basil

The Jar-Jar:

• Fidget

How I Watched It

After five entries, we’ve finally run into it: the conundrum of multiple releases. I received this movie as a birthday present from my friend Abi about two years ago, and since then there’s been a new version that’s been released (dubbed “Mystery in the Mist” edition). The colors in my version are a bit muted and washed out, and look rather strange compared to memories of my old VHS copy. MitM edition receives a new transfer, and is supposed to have better and more saturated colors according to UltimateDisney.com.

Extras are not plentiful, but there are a few things of note. First is a small making-of featurette that acts mostly as a cheerleading section for the movie (it was created back during the film’s original production, so it was more than likely made to sell the movie, rather than really get into the creative process). Still, it goes into detail about the use of computers in the movie, and there’s a fair bit of time spent on the voice cast, which is always good for my money. There are also two classic Disney shorts: “Clock Cleaners,” a Mickey Mouse short from 1937 about Mickey and Donald having trouble with a large bird roosting in a clock, and “Donald’s Crime” from 1945, a Donald short about him stealing from his nephew’s piggy bank. As someone who used to watch this junk all the time on the Disney Channel, I was rather satisfied with their inclusion.

MitM edition, while containing the making-of featurette, is bereft of the shorts (it’s also lacking a photo gallery, but I could usually give two bits about those). Seeing as how the old one is out of print now (and the shorts in question are on YouTube), I would go with MitM edition; the important extras are on the new one, and I’d much rather have the bump in picture quality.

And I Want to Paint it Black -- Call of Duty: Black Ops

It’s that time of year again: Activision has released a new Call of Duty game! That time when gamers come together, shoot each other for XP over Xbox Live, and swear loudly in one voice at that cheating douche who keeps using the noob tube. Some find time for the single player campaign, but those people seem to falling by the wayside in favor of twelve-year-olds that shoot you in the face and call you all kinds of bigot-y names. It is a joyous time indeed.

Anyways, this year’s entry in the Epic 2010 FPS Sweepstakes is Call of Duty: Black Ops. Developed by Treyarch (who, apart from Call of Duty, also makes Activision’s Spider-Man games), Black Ops takes place in the 60’s, and involves many of the conflicts during the era of JFK and The Who. You’ll invade Cuba during the Bay of Pigs, battle against the Russians in almost every corner of the globe, and you bet your sweet ass you’ll listen to CCR’s “Fortunate Son” while landing a helicopter in Vietnam (it’s exactly as clichéd as it sounds). They didn’t manage to work in the Cuban Missile Crisis, but that’s neither here nor there.

Every Nam movie ever? Eh, sorta.

Rather than retelling major battles (although there are a few of those), Black Ops spins an original narrative about conspiracy, subterfuge, and about everything else you would expect thematically from a game called “Black Ops.” The plot concerns Alex Mason (Sam Worthington, in his Sam Worthington-iest), a soldier who wakes up in an interrogation room and is grilled about a series of numbers. Alex doesn’t know anything about the numbers, and has to relive several of his past missions in order to make sense of everything. As a plot device to trigger the game’s playable sequences, it’s not a bad concept. Unfortunately, most of the game’s between-mission scenes generally end up playing out something like this:

DEEP VOICE: Tell us about the numbers, Mason!

MASON: F@$# you! I don’t know any f@$#ing think about any f@$#ing numbers!

DEEP VOICE: We know you know about the numbers, Mason!

MASON: The numbers don’t make any f@$#ing sense! I don’t f@$#ing know!

DEEP VOICE: Tell us about that one time you infiltrated that one place!

MASON: That one time at that one place…

[play some mission somewhere]

Seriously. The story would have been more interesting if it weren’t presented in such a monotonous manner. Many reviewers have taken the time to point to the mystery in this campaign and compare it favorably to the “disorganized and confused mess” that was the Modern Warfare 2 single-player (conveniently forgetting all of the praise they had heaped on it a year before). By the time the end rolled around for me, however, I found I didn’t care about the numbers, Mason’s character, or much else that was going on in the story. Good in theory, meh in execution.

This is where most of the story takes place, accompanied by Bourne Supremacy-esque seizure flashbacks. It's riveting.

Which is a shame, because the missions themselves present several interesting scenarios. In one you command an SR-71 Blackbird to guide troops through a snowstorm, and then switch perspectives to the troops on the ground. In another, you pilot a gunboat while working your way though Vietnam. My favorite has you escaping from a Russian POW camp; with its gradual progression in guiding the player from hunted to hunter, it shows a sense of pacing and payoff that many of the missions later on in the campaign lack.

It’s this lack of pacing that ultimately hamstrings my enjoyment of the campaigns. For all Modern Warfare 2’s narrative quirks (I am a rather large fan of the MW2 campaign and all of its huge, why-is-this-happening-who-cares-it’s-awesome moments), it had a taught, super-fast pace that kept the player racing along from one enormous set piece moment to the next. Black Ops wants to have those moments, but doesn’t make them big enough. There are a couple cool spots (that I won’t spoil), but most of the time you’ll be going down a linear corridor (your allies are helpfully marked “Follow,” as though you had a choice in the matter), shooting everything that moves; none of the huge moments ever seem awesome enough to justify some of the poor level- and gameplay-design decisions that must be worked through to get to them.

There are a few water-cooler moments, like this chopper-piloting bit, but they're few and far between.

Which brings me to the biggest gaffe in the Call of Duty: Black Ops campaign: the return of the infinitely-spawning enemies. This design was eliminated in Modern Warfare 2, but is now back with a vengeance. I’ll illustrate this point with a story. There’s a mission where you play through the Battle of Khe Sanh. During the level, I took command of a stationary machine gun as I attempted to fend-off Charlie. My allies were hunkered down beside me, taking an occasional shot and shouting directions: “Up there by the trench line! Beside those barrels! Three o’clock!” All the while, the enemy kept pouring down the hillside toward me. No matter how many I shot, there were more to be found, and my squad’s incessant calls of “By the trench line!” were starting to grate at my nerves. After five minutes of shooting dudes, I realized that

a) There would be no end to this limitless supply of enemies,

b) The enemies would only stop spawning when I crossed some pre-determined line in the level, and

c) This is really, really stupid.

So I did the only thing I could do: I charged the hill and tried to hide until the game would stop spawning foot soldiers. From there on out, I lost any trust I had in the game’s campaign. I was no longer interested in planting myself in cover, clearing the enemy out one-by-one, and moving forward only when I felt safe; I knew that I would find myself in a position like Khe Sanh, where my efforts of playing smart would only result in wasted ammo and 15 extra minutes I would throw away before my inevitable respawn. In a way, it’s probably my own fault that I didn’t enjoy the campaign as much as I did, but my hatred of clown-car enemy-generation is so great that I refused to buy into the game’s fiction.

There's a calliope playing around here somewhere, I just know it.

I did enjoy my time with the multiplayer component, however. Black Ops takes everything that made Modern Warfare 2’s multiplayer such a hit and adds a few of its own special herbs and spices (it also fixes many of the glitches and balancing issues from MW2; I’ll have to take the internet’s word for it, because my time with that game was relatively glitch- and exploit-free). In place of a traditional Level Up And Unlock Some Junk progression system is a system where players earn currency called Call Of Duty Points, or COD Points (no word if TROUT and HALIBUT Points are coming in a future DLC release). COD Points are used to buy guns, scopes, and camouflage once the player is at a certain level, adding a degree of customization to progression; rather than unlocking a new sniper rifle that you may not ever use, you can choose to only purchase gear that will be useful to you.

Black Ops also lets players spend COD Points to customize their characters in myriad different ways, from creating a personal emblem (built in a robust graphic editor), to choosing a new targeting reticule for a gun’s scope, to marking weapons with clan tags. Just about every facet of Black Ops’ multiplayer can be personalized, and many will while away the evening customizing their avatars for maximum cool factor and sex appeal.

You can tweak just about everything in the multiplayer.

All of the old game modes return from Modern Warfare 2, along with a few new ones in the form of Wager Matches. Wager Matches are on-the-side modes different from the regular games of Headquarters and Team Deathmatch—players wager COD Points that they will be in the top three, adding a gambling appeal to the content. Players can compete in four different match types: Sticks and Stones (which gives the players a crossbow, throwing knife, and tomahawk), Sharpshooter (which cycles through weapons on a set time interval), One in the Chamber (each person has a gun with one bullet, and subsequent kills give more bullets), and Gun Game (players start with a handgun and climb their way through 20 weapons with each kill). I spent most of my Wager Match time with Gun Game, and though I don’t think it’ll become my primary way to play, it was a fun diversion from the main game.

Where Black Ops’ multiplayer shines the brightest is in its map design. I enjoyed the crap out of Modern Warfare 1 and 2’s multiplayer, but there were always a handful of maps that I felt were just plain bad. I never got that feeling from Black Ops; there were definitely a few maps I was less skilled at, but there were absolutely none that made my blood boil the way Bloc or Estate did.

My favorite map: Nuketown. Think that one place in the fourth Indy movie, sans fridge.

All in all, Black Ops was a worthy rental, though I’m not sure if I’ll make the conversion and purchase it. The multiplayer was fun enough, but the single player wasn’t quite up to snuff for me; a few design issues and an uninteresting story dampened the impact that it could have had. Fans of the Call of Duty series may want to look into Black Ops for its balanced and satisfying Xbox Live play, but those looking for a quality, replayable solo experience may want to test the waters before fully taking the plunge.