Sunday, October 17, 2010

Our Feature Presentation (2/49) -- The Lion King (1994)

As I mentioned in my Atlantis piece, I was a child of the 90’s, and you’d better believe The Lion King was everywhere when I was a kid. It sold jillions of copies on VHS, had a spin-off TV show (a fate that many of its successful contemporaries shared), and sparked Hakuna Matata as a way of life. AFI recently placed it near the top of their 10 Best Animated Features list in 2008, and it was a staple for millions of boys (and probably girls) who grew up during one or both Clinton administrations.

But enough with the accolades, let’s get to the damn movie. The plot (as if you didn’t know) centers around Simba (Jonathan Taylor Thomas), a young lion cub who was born to be king of Pride Rock, the local pride of lions, and basically the entire Savannah. He thinks this is pretty sweet, but his uncle Scar (Jeremy Irons) would rather have the throne for himself. In that nice fratricidical pattern that accompanies most programs about royalty (or royalty in general), Scar orchestrates the death of present-king Mufasa (James Earl Jones), and attempts to do-away with Simba. Simba escapes, however, and finds himself wandering through the desert (think Exodus, but less Promise Land).

Simba nearly dies whilst desert-spelunking, when he befriends meerkat and warthog duo Timon (Nathan Layne) and Pumbaa (Ernie Sabella), two outcasts whose motto is in essence “when the world’s got a problem with you, eff ‘em.” This leads to a sojourn of ramblin’ man years where Simba grows into adulthood (and is now voiced by Matthew Brodrick), all while Pride Rock goes to hell in a hand basket under the reign of Scar. Simba is sought out by his childhood friend Nala (Moira Kelly), who tells him he needs to reclaim the throne and give Scar the ol’ what’s-what. Simba recoils at first, but soon comes to his senses, returns, and steps up as the one true king.

Oh hell yes.

You already know that. Of course you do. If you are reading this blog, there is absolutely no way you or someone you know hasn’t already seen this. Hell, my little brother’s about six and a half, and he still watches it on the same VHS that my mom bought for me when I was his age (ironic for a movie whose primary theme is the Circle of Life). As such, I will dispatch with any complex theme analyses, Hamlet comparisons, and conspiracy theories (controversial dust-letters and anime plagiarism are two glasses of Kool-Aid I do not drink from), because, let’s face it, you’ve already heard them. No, instead I’ll be talking about what jumped out at me from my most recent viewing.

The biggest thing I noticed about The Lion King was how incredibly GORGEOUS this movie is. I’ve always balked at the flossy effects-animation in the Don Bluth movies, but I’ll be damned if this isn’t one of the flossiest movies in the Disney canon in terms of effects, visual tricks, and flat-out looking pretty. The movie’s opening scene sets the tone for what’s to follow; we’re greeted with shadows, dust clouds, water splashes, depth-of-field shots, and that awesome, sweeping camera movement as we follow Zazu (Rowan Atkinson) over the pride lands and gawk at all of the animals below. This high bar of non-pretentious “We put more into our effects animation budget than you did into your whole movie” mentality carries throughout the entire experience, culminating with a climactic fight on a burning Pride Rock (check out the ash floating around!) and Simba’s ascension to his throne amidst the rain and steam. This movie gets released onto Blu-ray next fall, and watching it will probably trigger something that was mentioned in a Lonely Island song.

Pretty doggone impressive, if you ask me.

The second thing that I really appreciated was how the film sets up Mufasa and Simba’s relationship from early on in the movie. Mufasa is a noble, strong character, but he still is able to be warm and caring with his son; many kudos go to Jones for being able to command such respect with his voice, then softening it the very next moment. Simba basically acts like a regular kid from the 90’s; JTT plays him straight, with no forced cutesiness, making him easy to identify with, especially for someone who remembers what it was like being a regular kid in the 90’s. Between the two, they create a very real, very touching father-son relationship, making Mufasa’s death later in the film that much more tragic (Simba trying to wake his father, then hopelessly curling down beside him is way more affecting now that I’m older).

One of my favorite aspects of The Lion King that has drastically improved over time is the music. Yes, everyone loves “Hakuna Matata,” “The Circle of Life” is probably one of the coolest ways to kick off the film, and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” went on to become one of the most ubiquitous love songs of the 90’s. Now that I’m grown, however, and listen to more film soundtracks (makes concentrating on writing easier), I have a newfound appreciation for this score. There are many things that can be said about Hans Zimmer’s composing style, but I think it works perfectly for a movie of this grandeur. It sweeps when the movie needs sweeping, excites when the movie calls for excitement, and steps back when the movie wants us to goggle at the animation. In particular, I love the African-inspired touches, like certain unusual percussion instruments, or that wind-flute thing that the main theme is played on. Also, can I give a shout out to “Be Prepared” as one of the most fun villain songs of the Renaissance?

The ambiance the music adds to scenes like this is something else.

I would also like to call attention to the casting in this movie. If you’ve read the parentheticals in this entry (and you could probably chop your reading-time in half if you skipped them), you’ll have noticed a few big names. Oh heck, let’s just reiterate them: Matthew Broderick, James Earl Jones, Jeremy Irons, Nathan Lane, Rowan Atkinson, Whoopie Goldberg, Cheech Marin, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas (eight seasons of “Home Improvement” say he’s a big name, okay?!). You’d think with all of this talent, this movie would turn into a Shark Tale-esque game of I See What You Did There With The Voices, but the one thing that always fascinates me about Disney is that their celebrity stunt-casting never sounds like celebrity stunt-casting. Each star brings their considerable talents (yes, even Nathan Lane) without sounding like an actor behind a microphone, and the characters shine because of it.

In particular, I must give props to Irons’ performance as Scar. Cool, calculating, but with a hint of a smirk, the guy is just plain bad. The “oh s@$#” moment that stood out for me this time is how he capitalizes on Simba’s sorrow after Mufasa’s death. Simba is reeling from the shock of seeing his father killed, and Scar steps up to pin the blame solely on him; “Simba, what have you done?” he demands, with mingled horror and gravity. He tells Simba to run away “and never return,” then when Simba takes off, he remorselessly and without expression tells his hyena protégés, “Kill him.” So cold.

"Long. Live. The king."

A few key scenes, then I’ll wrap up. I still love the scene where Mufasa appears in the sky to Simba, with distant thunder rumbling and the outline of the once-mighty king appearing in the clouds. I also now think that the wildebeest stampede is one of the most thrilling animation sequences I’ve ever seen; the timing, the animation, the music, and the outcome all come together in one sublime and exhilarating ride. Lastly, I appreciate the ending shot of the coronation of a new king, as if the movie is saying, “This is where we came in.”

The Lion King has received its fair share of hype (and, as such, its fair share of haters) over the years, but I truly think it is one of Disney’s best. The animation quality, the characters, the music (two words: Lebo M), and the story help make this a complete, excellent package, and well-deserving of the praise it has garnered since its release.

Top 3 Songs:

  1. Be Prepared
  2. The Circle of Life
  3. Hakuna Matata

Favorite scene:

  • The wildebeest stampede (and aftermath)

Favorite character:

  • Scar

The Jar Jar:

  • Zazu

How I Watched It:

I picked this up in 2008 at The Movie Dungeon in Bozeman (formerly Bad Taste Records), well after it was out of print, and running me a tab of $28. It was pretty damn worth it, however, as the thing looks absolutely gorgeous on a decent TV (all the better to view the flossy effects animation). It also has a commentary from directors Roger Allers and Rob Minkoff, as well as producer Don Hahn (I double-taked when I read that; this guy obviously has a flare for the epic). The commentary is pretty insightful, and it’s fun to listen to all three banter back and forth about the different scenes.

The Lion King was the third in Disney’s Platinum series of DVDs, and as such it’s chock-full of bonus features (though they’re scattered all over the second disc, making watching them less of a casual viewing and more of a dedicated procedure). Most of these are on the second disc, but the first disc has an alternate cut of the movie, with a new song “The Morning Report” (it goes in the place where Zazu is making that series of animal-related puns in the form of a news story). The song’s okay, but because I’m up my own ass about nostalgia, I generally opt for the theatrical cut.

As I mentioned above, this DVD set will run you a pretty penny, as it went back in the moratorium way back in 2004. However, Disney has announced that they are re-releasing The Lion King next fall on Blu-ray and DVD, so if you can stick it out for a year, I would do so.

Friday, October 15, 2010

You are the Wind Beneath My Wings -- Hey Monday - Beneath It All

Since my first entry on Hey Monday and their debut album Hold On Tight, my affinity for them has grown from a casual flame to a fanboy fire. Their awesome blend of tight melody, wild energy, and a heaping helping of sugary sweetness has become a staple on my iPod over the course of 2010, and I’m happy to report that Hey Monday’s new EP, Beneath It All, upholds the torch of previous excellence, though in ways I didn’t quite expect.

Rather than a continuation of the punk-y power pop that propelled Hold On Tight to new heights of guilty pleasure-dom, Beneath It All is an expansion of Hey Monday’s sonic palate. This does not mean that they’ve immediately overblown their sound with a backing orchestra and too many instrumental layers (an exercise in restraint I wish many of their pop punk peers would also try), but this does mean that none of their songs come as fast and (cheerfully) furious as “Set Off” or “Run, Don’t Walk.”

However, this also means that Beneath It All sounds much more unique overall and less same-sounding than many tracks on the first one (I love them, but I recognize some similar elements between “Hurricane Streets,” “Josey,” and “Arizona”). In particular, “Hangover” creates a slower (though still rousing) stomp-clap backdrop for a song that’s equal parts remorseful and hooky, but undeniably HM. The lead single and current world-dominator, “I Don’t Wanna Dance,” sounds like they just dropped any pretenses of sounding “punk” and went for the pop jugular, and it plays all-the-better for it. And my favorite from the EP, “Wondergirl,” is probably the best Avril Lavigne song ever that was never written by Avril Lavigne.

Yes, I'm putting my picture of Hey Monday playing "Wish You Were Here" at this year's Warped Tour up. No, it's not bragging. Well, maybe a little.

My biggest fear going into Beneath It All, apart from the aforementioned overdubbing of strings, was that they would scale back their energy, sounding slick, but ultimately flaccid (this is the part where I would take a cheap shot at All Time Low, but I’m bigger than that). To an extent, the energy has been tapered back, but each song still crackles with life, with Cassadee Pope giving a strong, pretty vocal delivery on each, and the rest of the members giving their all to keep up.

Lyrically, I really like this EP. I don’t usually pay attention to lyrics when I listen to power pop (many songs’ meanings are often too nebulous for me to understand), but most of the songs are thematically strong. “Wondergirl” is about a girl trying to tell her significant other that she can’t solve his personal problems for him (“don’t say you love me when you hate yourself”), something I can definitely relate to. “I Don’t Wanna Dance” is about trying to rebuff various pick-ups from douchers (“I don’t wanna dance, so let it go, you’ll never take me home”), which is both atypical for this sort of music and delightfully ironic, considering the actual song is so damn danceable.

A screen-cap from the video for "I Don't Wanna Dance." One of the better "you're not gettin' none" songs of the past few years.

Probably the only thing to gripe about with Beneath It All is the fact that there are only six songs. Because this is an EP, this isn’t really a flaw at all, but I want more, doggonnit! That said, this is a great placeholder while waiting for Hey Monday’s alleged new full-length album that’s coming in 2011, and an excellent product in the besides.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Our Feature Presentation (1/49) -- Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

Because of the timing of when it came out, I actually didn’t end up seeing our first movie, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, until fairly recently. Atlantis came out in 2001, a year after I had moved to Bozeman, away from my cousins, my old friends, and basically anyone who I would have gone to see a Disney movie with (the last one I saw in theaters was Fantasia 2000 with my dad, and would not see another until Bolt in 2008). I remembered the marketing campaigns, though, with McDonalds Happy Meal toys and the inevitable Movie Surfers sneak previews on the Disney Channel. In a way, I’m glad I waited to see it, because I don’t think I would have appreciated it as much back then as I do now.

Allow me to explain. Even though I was well into my anime phase back then (which, in terms of action and pacing, is what Atlantis most resembles), I’m fairly certain I would have written off Atlantis as just another action cartoon, and not seen it for what it really is: one of the best damn adventure movies to come around in quite some time. Sure, it has its share of flaws and missteps, but if you’re in the mood for a rip-roarin’ flick filled with close calls, epic discoveries, and everything that makes 30’s movie-serials great, Atlantis is a sure bet.

The movie starts literally with a bang, as we witness the titular city sinking beneath a Poseidon Adventure-esque tidal wave. The plot then jumps forward to 1917, where we meet Milo Thatch (Michael J. Fox), a cartographer and linguistics expert from the Smithsonian Institute. Thatch has been looking for an ancient artifact called the Shepherd’s Journal, a book that supposedly reveals the location of Atlantis. His colleagues at the Institute aren’t having any of it, though; Milo’s grandfather spent all of his life searching for it, and the rest of the professors are quite sick of hearing about it.

The resemblance is curious, no?

Milo then receives a (rather sexy) invitation to meet with Preston B. Whitmore (John Mahoney), a reclusive (rather unsexy) billionaire who has found the book and wants to fund Thatch’s expedition. Before you can say “under the sea,” Milo finds himself with a crew, headed up by commander Rourke (James Garner, smooth as silk), a mess of digging equipment, and a tricked-out submarine that is equal parts Nautilus and Enterprise.

All is not smooth sailing, though, and Milo and the rest eventually find themselves stranded underground (the original pitch was an adaptation of “Journey to the Center of the Earth”), and they must find their way there by digging. That they eventually find the place goes without saying, partially because it’s par for the course in these sorts of scenarios, but mostly because it’s the title of the movie.

Something wicked this way swims.

The movie’s second half transitions from Raiders of the Lost Ark terrain into more Avatar territory, with the crew learning about the Atlanteans and helping them learn about themselves (their reading abilities have atrophied a trifle in the 3000 or so years they’ve been underwater). There is also a twist that some will probably see coming, but it helps set up for the climactic and exciting third act (anymore than what I’ve said here I will not spoil, though if you’ve seen Stargate, you might have a good idea of what’s coming).

I eat this stuff up. I really do. I know that this story has been told at least 3.2 kajillion times with different details, characters, and scenarios, but I feel like it’s a durable story, and that it’s surprisingly Disney. Many of Disney’s stories are about self-discovery and following your heart, and Atlantis carries this element swimmingly (bahaha). I think it’s reasonable to balk at the traditional (and some would say unoriginal) setup that Atlantis hinges its plot on, but I love the sense of discovery and Gee Whiz enthusiasm brought to the table by films like these.

I also love the broadly-sketched characters that make up the crew. They’re often defined with one or two attributes (the homesteading cook, the tough-girl teenager, the Jar Jar, etc), and aren’t characterized incredibly deeply, but they definitely lend some color to the picture, and give Milo a chance to express different aspects of his personality. In particular, I’m a huge fan of fast-talking doctor Sweet (Phil Morris), and demolitions expert Vinnie (Don Novello, who uses his Fr. Guido Perducci character to hilarious effect).

Novello was also a writer and cast member on "Saturday Night Live" for a few years in the 70's.

What impresses me the most now vs. how I might have seen it then is the art style. Simply put, Atlantis is a pretty frickin’ movie. The city is an imaginative blend of Aztec-like stone structures and brightly-colored landscapes, and, unsurprising for a movie about an sub-aquatic city, the water effects here look really good. I also like the character designs, who look less rounded than other Disney films at the time and strive for a flat, comic book-style appearance. And the movie is in WIDE SCREEN, which looks damn impressive on a decent-sized TV.

The movie loses a bit of momentum between when the expedition reaches Atlantis and that thrilling third act I mentioned above, and I admit the whole Adventure Formula movie is one that may not necessarily appeal to everyone (and make no mistake, it is definitely a formula movie). However, in just the same way I enjoyed the hell out of Romancing The Stone, “Ducktales,” and both Uncharted games for the PS3, I also had a grand ol’ time with Atlantis: The Lost Empire. It’s been largely forgotten about in recent history, but do yourself a favor and check out this underappreciated gem in the Disney canon.


How I Watched It:

For a brief stint in 1999-2001, Disney released limited edition 2-disc versions of their new movies in addition to the single-disc versions (the only other time they would do this would be in 2003 for Brother Bear; even Princess and the Frog doesn’t have this luxury), and this is how I experienced Atlantis. The picture quality looks great 2.35:1 widescreen, and there’s a feature-length commentary by producer Don Hahn and directors Gary Trousdale and Kirk Wise (for those keeping score at home, these are the same guys who did Beauty and the Beast 10 years earlier).

One the second disc, there’s a feature-length, two-hour documentary on Atlantis, which you can watch all at once or in nine different segments. It’s broken up into different aspects on the making, including inventing the mythology, designing the characters (including collaboration with “Hell Boy”-creator Mike Mignola), and voice work (which, as a fan of voiceover, I always appreciate). Also, for those who are into it, there are art galleries, test footage, and deleted scenes.

For those who are interested in the behind-the-scenes, I would recommend this version without hesitation. This edition is out of print now, but fortunately, because Atlantis isn’t necessarily the most popular Disney flick out there, you can score it used on Amazon for around $11.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Disney Series Kickoff -- Our Feature Presentation

Like many other ideas that I’ve outright pilfered from my friend Jordyn at Popped Density, I’ve wanted to do a blog series for a while. Yes, there’s Bluthanized, but that’s a whole separate blog, rather than a set of recurring features. After foraging around for ideas, I figured anything worth doing once is worth doing again, and straight jacked another idea from Density: starting immediately, I am going to do a series of blogs on the Disney canon of Animated Features.

As a child of the 90’s, you may be unsurprised to know that I am a Disney-phile. Even in a time when quality animation was at an all time high (Cartoon Network, The Disney Channel, Nickelodeon, and Fox Kids were just a few of my outlets), I’ve always preferred the cleanly-drawn, family friendly approach the Disney took (compare an episode of “TaleSpin” to one of “Rugrats” and tell me if you spot a difference). I have been fortunate enough to have held onto my love of Disney even into my adulthood, and having more disposable income has allowed me to purchase some of my favorites from back in the day.

One of these things is not like the others...

Yes, this idea is far from original (hell, The Antagony and Ecstasy already did all 49 of them in far more detail than I can ever hope to match), but it’s one I hold near to my heart; as mentioned above, I love the Disney movies, and this will be a fun way to accomplish three tasks:

1) View every movie in the Disney canon I’ve seen a good chunk of the features, but not all of them yet, and I’m intensely curious about some of the lesser-seen features like Saludos Amigos and The Black Cauldron

2) Keep my writing skills sharp I’m not sure if you folks have noticed (with any luck, you haven’t), but I can often run into writer’s block about what to make my entries on, to the point where deciding to write on for an entry can be more difficult than doing the doggone thing. This will give me a set of guaranteed entries

3) OWN every movie in the Disney canon That’s right, chubies, my DVD self is going to house all of them one day. Prior to this entry, I was actually waiting until I got to 15 movies before I started, so I would have some breathing room between buying them, but now that I’m at 15, I can find a nice balance between purchases and watching the ones I already own. Besides, with the advent of Disney Blu-ray, this seems like as good a time to start collecting them as any.

No time like the present.

So how will I be going about this momentous task? I briefly considered doing them in chronological order (starting with Snow White and ending with Tangled, because heaven knows it’ll be out on Blu-ray by the time I finish), but that sort of thing only serves a more academic and historical context; let me put it this way, do you want to read six straight entries on the package films of the 40’s?

No, instead I will be doing it the way I have dealt with most of my college career: blundering through it in a random fashion. That is, barring the first five entries (which I have selected out of my already-existing library), I will be randomly selecting what I will write about out of a hat (a nice Irish one I picked up at a garage sale for a buck). This ensures unpredictability and variety, or at least give the series a lack of direction and nice feeling of incoherency.

My weapon of choice for the next little while

I will continue to make additional entries on music, video games, and other Diversion 2.0 things, but this will be a bit of continuity in an otherwise anarchic and loosey-goosey blog format. Entries will be prefaced with the series title, in lieu of my name-based inside joke (seriously, no one knows what I’m referencing in my Where The Wild Things Are entry title), and posted on an at-least-weekly basis (famous last words).

Speaking of the title, this will be something I will need help with, and I will be reaching out to all of my faithful readers (ha) for suggestions! I’d like something that feels descriptive and simple, but I’ll settle for Juno­-style pretentiousness if it comes to that.

Anyways, this is a taste of what’s to come from Diversion 2.0 in the next little while. I hope this will be to your satisfaction, and if not, there’s always Bluthanized (or the inevitable sequel, where Jordyn and I take lots of drugs and marathon the 20th Century Fox animated feature canon).


PS (10/13/10) - I've decided to call the series Our Feature Presentation, named after the announcement that let you know when the previews on the Disney VHS were over (say it with me: "And now, our feature presentation"). We'll see if this works or not.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

War! What is it good for? – Prom Wars

Lord knows why we watched it, and even still why I'm writing about it, but this past weekend my friend Jordyn and I rented a movie called Prom Wars. We also rented Caveman with Ringo Starr, which should give you an idea of what the weekend was like. But I digress. Prom Wars isn't necessarily as bad as a teen comedy titled "Prom Wars" could be, though only marginally so, and for that I suppose I'm slightly grateful.

Prom Wars is about three prep schools (as the Napoleon Dynamite-esque moving sketchbook credits tell us): Selby and Lancaster, two all-boys schools, and an all-girls school whose name escapes me (let's call it Katherine Heigl Elementary). The main plot concerns Percy and Diana, two students who are dating. In the opening scene, Percy, who is from Selby, finds out that Diana had previously slept with a toolbox student from Langford, then gets drunk and chews her out before finally getting right-crossed and dumped.

She throws a mean right hook, Diana.

Through a series of happenstances that are both unmemorable and unremembered by me, Diana convinces the student body of Heigl (which is uniformly made up of attractive, short skirt and Chuck Taylor-wearing alterna-hotties (did I mention this is actually an indie flick?)) that they should make the two guy schools compete for who can take them to prom.

The resulting movie is the story (and montages) of the nerd-heavy Selby taking on the jocko taco Lancaster; the two schools compete in everything from arm wrestling to chess to a climactic paintball match. All the while, Percy and Diana continue to liaison and negotiate over the terms of the "war." The sets looks expensive and the characters are all garbed in Hogwarts-style boarding school uniforms, giving the impression that the movie could just as easily have been called White People Throw Money at Each Other.

Some of the competitions are actually fairly creative.

All of this sounds like an eye-gouging good time, right? Well, put down the tar and feathers, you Mob Song chorus members, you, because it's not that bad (just almost so). The leads in this movie are actually pretty good, particularly Raviv Ullman (of "Phil of the Future" pseudo-fame) and Alia Shawkat, who are both reasonably charming and fairly sympathetic, which is a feat considering how ridiculous this story is.

The expensive set I mentioned earlier also helps distinguish from other high school teen comedies in the genre. The movie has a slightly quirky edge that helped me get passed some of the clichés; it may be damning it with faint praise, but I never really felt compelled to leave the room in disgust, which is worth something in my book. It doesn't hurt that I actually did laugh in a couple places. A couple.

The cast, especially Ullman (pictured), go a long way to making the material seem less insipid than it actually it.

You're probably wondering why on Earth I am being so bloody generous to a movie that is at best mildly entertaining and at worst email-checkingly dull. I suppose it's because I've seen how deep and dark the rabbit hole goes; right before we went to the movie store, Jordyn watched I Love You Beth Cooper. Oh sweet mustache, that is an awful, awful movie. Awful in its clichéd and sketchy characters. Awful in its predictable plotline (not predictable as in "I bet this is what happens right now;" predictable as in "Wouldn't it be terrible if this actually happens right now?"). Awful in the notion that someone thought people would be entertained by it. Prom Wars definitely has issues, such as an ultimately forgettable story and characters (including an unrequited affection subplot that I could not tell you about even if you offered me one of these fabulously expensive sets), but it's not as absolutely terrible as Beth Cooper, where there was seriously a point where I had to go to Safeway for soda because I simply couldn't stand it.

Prom Wars could be worse. A LOT worse.

And this is ultimately what Prom Wars is: not quite the worst bad movie you've ever seen. I never felt like I was killing my brain cells like I was during Miss March, and I found it easier to swallow than other teen comedies like Van Wilder or the like. Movies like these make great drinking game movies; they're not terribly painful, they're pretty short, and they're readily available on NetFlix Instant Queue. In fact, I'll close this entry with a Prom Wars drinking game I thought up this afternoon:

Drink every time:

  • The words "Victory" or "Defeat" flash onscreen
  • The two little kids from the beginning have a scene
  • Someone makes a not-so-veiled comment at one of the characters' sexuality (you'll know who)
  • Percy and Diana meet somewhere incognito

And for added schnockticity, include every time:

  • A scene is gratuitously in slow motion
  • Percy's little sister is in a scene

La'chaim!